Grief rarely arrives in the way we imagine it will.
Sometimes it is overwhelming, impossible to ignore, and completely consuming. Other times, it barely seems to exist at all, replaced by an unsettling sense of distance from the world around us.
Life continues. Conversations happen. Ordinary routines remain intact. Yet something fundamental has shifted, leaving us feeling like spectators to our own existence.
For Naarm/Melbourne-based singer-songwriter Anna Smyrk, that strange emotional disconnection became the foundation of her new single, “This Is a Drill.”
Written following the death of her father, the song captures the suspended state between experiencing a devastating loss and being emotionally ready to confront it.
“It’s about the strange, foggy state of denial, where everything feels a little unreal, like normal life is happening on the other side of a heavy curtain,” she explains.
The track introduces the emotional world of Spectacular Denial, her debut full-length album, scheduled for release March 20 via Community Music.
But rather than presenting grief as a journey with a clear beginning and eventual resolution, Smyrk approaches it as something far less predictable.
A collection of contradictions, interruptions, moments of unexpected joy, and feelings that sometimes arrive long after we believe we’ve learned how to live without them.
When the Words Finally Return
For Smyrk, songwriting has traditionally been a way of understanding her experiences.
But following her father’s death, even that familiar creative outlet became difficult to access.
“Normally I write songs about whatever is happening in my life, it’s my way of processing. But my dad died a little while ago and after that I struggled to write, I didn’t have the words.”
It’s a revealing admission from an artist whose work has consistently embraced emotional vulnerability.
Sometimes the experiences that most demand expression are the ones that temporarily make expression impossible.
When Smyrk eventually began writing again, the songs didn’t emerge as straightforward reflections on sadness or loss.
Instead, they explored the experience of avoiding those feelings altogether.
“When I did start to write again, all these songs about denial, about not feeling my feelings, came out.”
That contradiction became central to Spectacular Denial.
The album isn’t simply about mourning someone.
It’s about the complicated ways we protect ourselves from emotions we’re not yet prepared to experience.
And the gradual realization that those protective mechanisms cannot remain in place forever.
The Sound of a Curtain Falling
“This Is a Drill” translates that emotional experience into its arrangement.
Produced and mixed by Anna Laverty, whose credits include work with Courtney Barnett and Nick Cave, the song begins in an atmosphere of extraordinary restraint.
Sparse instrumentation surrounds Smyrk’s almost whispered vocals, softened by reverb that creates a sense of distance and unreality.
The production mirrors the emotional fog described in the lyrics.
But as the song progresses, its intensity begins to grow.
The arrangement gradually becomes more urgent before the drums arrive, transforming the track’s delicate atmosphere into something far more forceful.
For Smyrk, that progression reflects the instability of denial itself.
“The curtain of denial doesn’t hold in place, your feelings break through eventually, whether you like it or not!”
It’s a powerful musical representation of something difficult to articulate.
The quiet sections don’t necessarily signify peace.
They suggest emotional suspension.
And the louder moments aren’t simply expressions of despair.
They’re the sound of something finally becoming impossible to suppress.
Laverty’s contribution was essential to creating an environment where those contrasts could exist naturally.
“The album is full of super vulnerable songs, and Anna is such a sensitive producer and empathetic person; she really made space for the emotions of it all.”
The result is a song that feels intimate without becoming static, allowing the production itself to carry part of the emotional narrative.
Denial Isn’t Always the Enemy
One of the most compelling ideas behind Spectacular Denial is Smyrk’s refusal to treat denial as an inherently destructive response.
It’s easy to imagine emotional avoidance as something that must always be overcome.
But Smyrk recognizes that denial can sometimes serve an important purpose.
“It protects you when you’re not ready or when you’re not in a space where it’s safe or practical to let it all out.”
That understanding became particularly relevant during the recording process.
Working within a limited schedule while confronting deeply personal material meant that Smyrk couldn’t always allow herself to experience every emotion as it arose.
At certain moments, she needed to maintain enough distance to continue working.
At others, the studio became a space where those feelings could finally emerge.
The process involved tears, but also humor, joy, and moments of unexpected relief.
It’s an experience that challenges the idea of grief as a straightforward progression from darkness toward light.
And it’s something Smyrk deliberately wanted to preserve across the album.
“The songs reflect how we can hold pain and joy at the same time.”
Rather than suggesting that happiness arrives only after sadness has disappeared, Spectacular Denial allows contradictory emotions to coexist.
Finding Community in Something Deeply Personal
Perhaps the most unexpected development surrounding “This Is a Drill” has been the response from audiences.
During her recent Community Garden Tour across Australia, Smyrk began performing the song live, despite initially writing much of the album’s material without imagining that anyone else would hear it.
Some of the songs had been intended purely for personal processing.
Sharing them publicly required a different kind of vulnerability.
But the experience also created connections she hadn’t anticipated.
After performances, audience members approached Smyrk to share stories of their own losses.
Those conversations gradually changed her relationship with grief.
“When my dad died, I found that a lot of people really struggled to know how to talk about their own grief, or to ask about mine.”
The difficulty wasn’t necessarily a lack of compassion.
Sometimes people simply didn’t know what to say.
And Smyrk herself struggled to find the words.
Performing the song created an opening where those conversations could happen more naturally.
“The more that I play this song live, and the more people share their own experiences, the more I feel at ease talking about grief.”
That sense of connection hasn’t diminished the loss itself.
But it has changed the isolation surrounding it.
“It doesn’t make the loss any smaller, but it doesn’t feel as lonely.”
For a song about emotional avoidance, it’s a particularly meaningful outcome.
Something written about being unable to confront grief has become a way for people to confront it together.
Beyond the Boundaries of Indie Folk
Although Spectacular Denial is rooted in deeply personal songwriting, its musical identity extends beyond traditional folk arrangements.
Drawing inspiration from artists as varied as Blondie, Phoebe Bridgers, Garbage, Angie McMahon, and Hozier, Smyrk moves between indie folk, alternative pop, and more expansive arrangements.
That stylistic flexibility reflects her wider musical background.
Over the past two years, she has toured across Australia, Europe, and North America, appearing at events including SXSW, Folk Alliance International, and NXNE.
Her previous EP, Cortisol and Blue Light, was recorded in Nashville with Jake Finch and Collin Pastore, whose credits include work with boygenius and Lucy Dacus.
But despite that experience, Smyrk doesn’t feel particularly compelled to define her music within one genre.
“I always find it hard to put it in a box! But I think that’s ok.”
For her, the different influences emerge naturally from the music she listens to and the stories she wants to tell.
And on Spectacular Denial, that openness allows each song to inhabit the emotional atmosphere it requires.
Learning to Feel Everything
With “Garden Variety Grief” and “This Is a Drill,” Smyrk has introduced two perspectives on the larger emotional landscape of Spectacular Denial.
Both songs explore loss, but neither attempts to reduce grief to a single recognizable experience.
Instead, the album examines the different forms denial can take: avoiding painful feelings, struggling to acknowledge the death of someone close, and resisting uncertainty about the future.
But Smyrk doesn’t want listeners to leave the record believing that grief is defined exclusively by darkness.
There is resilience here.
There is humor.
And there are moments of light that don’t require the painful experiences to disappear.
It’s a perspective that makes Spectacular Denial feel less like an attempt to overcome grief than an invitation to experience its complexity.
Perhaps the album’s most important realization is that healing doesn’t always mean arriving at a place where difficult emotions no longer exist.
Sometimes it means becoming more comfortable allowing them to exist alongside everything else.
And for Smyrk, that possibility is at the heart of what she hopes the record will offer.
“Really, I just hope it helps people to feel things.”
It’s a simple ambition.
But for an album born from the experience of not being ready to feel anything at all, it carries extraordinary weight.
In Conversation With Anna Smyrk
“This Is a Drill” captures that surreal, foggy state of denial after a loss. What was the first moment where you realised this song needed to exist?
It wasn’t really a song that I set out to write, to be honest! Normally I write songs about whatever is happening in my life, it’s my way of processing. But my dad died a little while ago and after that I struggled to write, I didn’t have the words. When I did start to write again, all these songs about denial, about not feeling my feelings, came out.
You describe grief as something that makes life feel “unreal, like everything is happening behind a curtain.” How did you translate that sensation into sound and production choices?
We tried to get to that feeling with the way the song ebbs and flows. At the beginning it’s quite sparse and the vocals are almost whispered, with a beautiful soft reverb on them- I think that gives that sense of unreality. Then later in the song, the intensity builds before the drums suddenly kick in, which mirrors the way that curtain of denial doesn’t hold in place, your feelings break through eventually, whether you like it or not!
Audience members have shared their own stories of loss after your shows. How has performing this song live shifted your relationship to grief?
It’s been so gratifying to speak to people after shows and hear about how this song affected them. Grief can be so isolating; it creates a distance between you and the people around you. When my dad died, I found that a lot of people really struggled to know how to talk about their own grief, or to ask about mine. And I found it really hard to talk about as well. But the more that I play this song live, and the more people share their own experiences, the more I feel at ease talking about grief. It doesn’t make the loss any smaller, but it doesn’t feel as lonely.
You worked with Anna Laverty, known for collaborations with Courtney Barnett and Nick Cave. What did she bring to the emotional landscape of “This Is a Drill”?
Anna was so great. The album is full of super vulnerable songs, and Anna is such a sensitive producer and empathetic person; she really made space for the emotions of it all. She also had tons of great ideas right from pre-production through to mixing. The process was really collaborative.
Your upcoming debut album Spectacular Denial explores the different forms denial can take. What surprised you most about your own patterns of denial while making this record?
While we were recording, I was reminded about the fact that denial has a time and a place. It serves a purpose- it protects you when you’re not ready or when you’re not in a space where it’s safe or practical to let it all out. And there were times during the recording that I had to tap into that, we were on a tight schedule and I couldn’t sit around weeping all the time! But then at other times it felt great to release and really feel the full range of emotions in the songs- the painful stuff, but also the joy and humour that’s there as well. More than one tear was shed, that’s for sure.
Between Garden Variety Grief and This Is a Drill, your recent singles feel like two windows into the same emotional storm. How do these tracks shape the narrative foundation of the album?
The songs on the album go deep into loss and denial, but there’s also plenty of hope and resilience in there. I wanted to make sure the album didn’t go from dark to light in a linear way, because that has definitely not been my experience of grief! The songs reflect how we can hold pain and joy at the same time.
You’ve toured extensively across Australia, Europe, and North America, playing festivals and sharing stages with some major artists. How has constant touring affected your songwriting—especially around themes as intimate as grief?
I find I usually write the most when I’m super busy and my brain is pinging all over the place. So touring helps with that! A lot of the songs on the album were never really intended for recording or playing live, when I was writing them I thought they were just for me and my own processing. I think that helped me be more honest, not thinking too much about how on earth I’d be able to get through playing the songs in front of people without losing it! I did start playing them live though and it was hard, but it was also super cathartic.
Your influences range from Blondie to Phoebe Bridgers to Hozier. Where do you see yourself sitting within that blend of indie, alt-pop, and folk?
I think there’s elements of all those genres in my music. I always find it hard to put it in a box! But I think that’s ok, I listen to lots of different kinds of music and all those influences inevitably creep in.
Spectacular Denial marks a major milestone—a first full-length album. What do you hope listeners carry with them after experiencing the complete body of work?
The record explores denial in many guises: denial of how you really feel, denial after losing a loved one, denial about the future. I hope people will find that there are moments of darkness as well as moments of light. Really, I just hope it helps people to feel things.
Anna Smyrk’s debut album, Spectacular Denial, is scheduled for release on March 20 via Community Music. Her singles “This Is a Drill” and “Garden Variety Grief” are available to stream.
Photo credit: Michelle Grace Hunder.
