Before Annie Goodchild, there used to be Sam. After taking an Ancestry DNA test, the acclaimed singer, songwriter and recording artist learned that before being adopted, she used to be named Samantha.
This realisation marks the starting point for their new single, ‘Gentle’, out on the 20th of January. The track is the first single to be taken from her upcoming EP of the same name, an explorative new collection of cinematic, left-field pop, and Goodchild’s first release under their new creative moniker I Used To Be Sam. To accompany the release, Annie also shares a haunting music video.
Raised in “a full-on Irish household” in the suburbs of Boston, Goodchild grew up listening to ‘90s hip-hop and R’nB and singing in gospel choirs – their heroes were “the great female vocalists” Ella Fitzgerald, Whitney Houston, Aretha Franklin, Billie Holiday and Janis Joplin.
After taking an impulsive trip to Guatemala at the age of 18, Annie formed the band Melou with an eclectic and talented group of musicians who toured throughout Western Europe and the States for five years.
Goodchild then went on to see international success as a featured singer for Scott Bradlee’s musical collective Postmodern Jukebox, and launched their solo career six years ago with the twinkling vintage sounds of their debut EP ‘A Random Physical Sensation’.
On a gruelling five-day songwriting trip in Berlin – mostly run by white men – Annie met a producer who was a queer women of colour, and began to speak candidly about meeting her birth father for the first time, and the agony of trying to reconnect with her biological mother.
Her attempts to reconnect with their birth mother were met by re-rejection, leaving Goodchild feeling like “I was her dirty secret and a mark of shame”.
As the artist recounted her experiences, “I looked up and the producer was bawling,” she says. “At that moment the name I Used to Be Sam came to me. This is the music I need to be writing. I came home and everything shifted. I can’t make Annie Goodchild music anymore, because Annie was who I had to be to get to this point. Now I need to start making movement.”
Tell us about the genesis of your project
This project is in some ways my origin story. I unknowingly needed to create these songs and start telling my story of adoption in order to keep evolving, which I believe had been stagnant for a long time. I always knew I was adopted, and I always had a deep calling to find my roots.
When DNA testing started coming out, I mustered up the courage to take one. After waiting for over a year, I found a genetic match. Getting in touch with my cousins led to the painful re-rejection of my birth mother, as well as the reunion with my birth father and his family. Both of these events impacted me fiercely.
The rejection I experienced, which I’m still dealing with today (and may always be dealing with) was my catalyst. As I wrote the songs I realised how little representation adoptees have and how few of our own stories that are out there come from us. I needed to do whatever I could to involve other transracial adoptees to tell their stories.
So my EP is a shared space with ten others who have generously shared small parts of their experiences with me. And I’ve done my best to weave them throughout the videos that will be released. This is where the project is now, but I hope as I keep creating and developing new roots with the adoptee community, and it will continue to grow.
What is the point of making art to you?
I don’t think art should ever have to be anything. Its boundlessness is its beauty to me. For my own work I always want to be moving towards communicating as honestly as possible. To do this I have to first be honest with myself which can be hard, but it makes for more vulnerable art, and that always resonates more with me.
Who were your top 3 artists last year?
AMYRA, Max Richter, and James Blake were big parts of my 2021 soundtrack.
What do you do when you’re feeling uninspired?
If I have the privilege to rest, I take a break whenever possible. Meditation and listening to other artists is also really impactful for me. If I’m not inspiring myself that’s okay, there are so many gifted musicians I can lean on to get inspiration from.
What are your 2022 projects and goals?
I feel so pulled by this project, like I’m finally in orbit, so telling more of my story through the lens of an adoptee and the impact adoption has on all aspects of life will be really important. I would also like to get more into production so I can communicate what I hear more clearly to other artists and producers. Personally I want to support the TRA (transracial adoptees) community in whichever way I can and help grow my sense of foundation as a person.
Tell us about your latest release ‘Gentle’ and how it came about
Gentle was the first song I wrote for this EP. When I started writing it I thought I was asking the world to be gentle with me.
But as the song progressed I realized I was pleading to myself to be gentle, kind, loving, and patient. I needed (and still need) to show up for myself and my mental health in a way I haven’t before.
The lyrics became my vows to myself and have been a really nice way to cast me off in the right direction.
What is something you would want to change in the music and entertainment industry?
I wish I could completely dismantle the modern music industry. Everything is based on privilege, financial backing, or is a numbers game.
It can feel like your worth as a person and the worth of your art depends on how many people follow you, or how many pre-saves you get, or streams and downloads you’ve gotten – and that’s shit.
It has created this volatile environment that we are still supposed to be genuine in and create in. And for someone like me who can be in my head and anxious, it makes “trying” and putting myself out there scary…not really conducive to creating for most of the musicians I know.
What is your creative process like?
Usually a feeling comes first, before the intent to sit down and write a song. I then focus on how I can communicate that feeling as honestly as possible in sound, vocal performance and through lyrics.
This can happen on the piano or guitar, usually finding chord progressions or little drones which I repeat over and over. It’s really a meditative practice and usually a melody and lyrics will find their way out.
There have been a few times a lyric was first, which is always an interesting way for me to write. It feels backwards but still natural.
Who inspires your style and aesthetics?
This is a great question, there are so many people with just delicious style and energy but I’d have to say Frida Khalo. Seeing photographs of her and seeing her work, you can feel her power and her magic.
She was also a queer woman of color, who as a child, I could see myself in. Her style was joyous and strong and it bent gender norms publicly before it was even talked about, and before it was safe to do so. Her aesthetic is the power of fashion to me.
What is the achievement or moment in your career you are the most proud of and why?
My new EP and the I Used To Be Sam project. I wasn’t able to have the conversations with myself necessary to make this music before, and there’s something vulnerable and scary to that.
Since “Gentle” has been released, I’ve heard back from the TRA’s who contributed to this project, and to hear the impact this has had on them, the emotion they felt, and to know they now have music to mirror back their experience, makes me immensely proud.
