Photo credit Savannah Lauren
Contrasting a danceable track with some of her most vulnerable lyrics to date, KAYE today presents “Lifeline,” the second single off of her upcoming Neon God EP. Paired with an official video shot throughout her home of New York City, “Lifeline” is available now. The Neon God EP will be released in its full glory on August 5 with a release show at Brooklyn’s Elsewhere on August 9.
LISTEN TO “LIFELINE”
What inspired “Lifeline” and everything else leading up to Neon God?
Writing “Lifeline” literally saved my life. Like many gentle readers reading this, I struggle with anxiety and depression and had one of the most intense depressive episodes of my life last year. There were many factors at play, one of which was that for the first time ever, I was keenly vulnerable to the insidious cultural rulebook that says a woman in her mid-30s in the music industry is old, expired. I felt like it was too late for me. Thinking about alternatives to being an artist shriveled my self worth and made me feel purposeless, which fueled the oppressive gray cloud that lived over my head. And to top it all off, I had raging hormonal acne for several months that made me want to crawl into a hole because of how ugly I felt. It really humbled me and softened me to rethink about these Western standards of beauty, how insidious these filters can be in making women feel like they have to appear a certain way to be accepted and celebrated.
One day as I was sobbing on my couch, I heard these words in a melody: “Sending a message on up to you, cuz I haven’t been doing so well / Don’t even know who I’m talking to, only know I need your help.” I talk to myself a lot, but this time I heard something respond: “I’ll be your lifeline out of here.”
Music IS a lifeline out of impossible situations. It accesses places that language falls short of. That day, this song saved my life. It’s an explosion of pain and joy and brutality and beauty and the commitment to feeling it all. I have come back to it over and over again in moments of terror and pain, and that same voice, maybe my own, maybe something else, has comforted me and pulled me out.
Any advice for anyone going through a similarly hard time?
This is advice I need to take as well and will keep telling myself: relish your terror and your insecurity about the future and your big, bleeding heart. As David Foster Wallace says, “the truth will set you free, but not until it’s had its way with you.” Relish this delicate moment where the ground has totally dropped out from under you and you have no fucking idea what to do or what’s coming next.
Also, throw yourself into art. Use those ugly emotions and make something from it that you can remember this time by. If you can’t make art, surround yourself with art. That’s what saves me every time.
What have you learned between your last album, Conscious Control, and this EP Neon God?
It’s so interesting – once I finished that album, I was like, “Great job, Charlene! You’ve written your thesis on the last few years of your life, and now you’ve officially learned how to let go of control!” Surprise, turns out I still have a daunting amount to learn about control and thinking I actually have it. I’m still constantly white-knuckling a steering wheel that’s not actually attached to the car. I’m a Virgo—I always want to plan ahead and know exactly what’s coming so I can be prepared. And life goes, “That’s cute. Here’s something you completely weren’t prepared for—have fun!”
It’s like every couple years, you finally figure out how to defeat this particular monster on this level of the Life video game – but when you get to the next level, this NEW monster appears that you’ve never seen before. And you have to start from scratch all over again and look within yourself to find new tools for growth and self-actualization. Over and over again until you die. It’s such a pain in the ass!
What is something you can’t live without?
My hairless sphynx cat, Albus Dumbledore.
Any funny anecdotes from the time you were recording or writing this EP?
There’s a song called “No One Looks Cute in This Kind of Green” which is just a straight-up 2001 emo song about jealousy. My inner circle, who heard the EP as I was in the process of making it, laughed when they heard it because I was such an emo kid. Even the indulgently long name feels very Fall Out Boy.
What’s your favorite thing to do besides create music?
I’m taking an acting class for the first time, which feels very Barry (minus the hit man aspect).
What’s a record or artist that shaped your creativity?
I’m obsessed with Nine Inch Nails, especially the With Teeth era, and the songs I’m writing have been very influenced by that intense industrial rock. We women don’t get very many opportunities to express our rage – and there’s a hell of a lot to be angry about right now as a woman.
Who is an artist or band you look up to today?
Over the past year, my sister (Liann Kaye, who directs all my music videos) and I have been consumed by K-pop, especially the band NCT 127. I’m fascinated with the ADD-ness of K-pop, how each song has like four different genres in it. It’s so outrageously over the top. Even though it screams of capitalism and there are lots of problematic things about the industry, it’s a genuine MASTERCLASS in performance. I’m fascinated by this question: at what point does this corporate machine actually circle back around to creating some real humanity? Or something that feels like it, and I’m just drinking the Kool-Aid?
I genuinely think that not too many K-pop groups have crossed over because Americans still have this perception that Asians in pop music are this foreign entity. It’s great that BTS and Blackpink have had so much mainstream success – I’m curious to see what’s next!
What excites you the most about what you do?
I love performing and connecting with people all around the world, but I also love that I can look back at my records and not just remember, but FEEL what I was going through at any given point in my life.
