The objectification continues with the second installment of Hot or Not: Communist Edition.

Vladimir Lenin

Though still emulating Marxist ideals, Lenin lies on the opposite side of the Communist spectrum from Castro and Che.

He was a large-scale mooch, living off of his mother’s feeble income for the majority of his young adult life. He had a great fondness for women, but didn’t believe they were entitled to sexual desire, which somehow led him to a fascination with polygamy.

Lenin had one ~legal~ wife (lmao), Nedezhda Krupskaya. She followed him into his three year Siberian Exile after he revolted against the Russian Empire in 1897.

After his return, Lenin refused to end things with Krupskaya, and found himself a mistress in Paris; an “ardent Bolshevik,” Inessa Armand. Krupskaya and Armand eventually met and formed a secretive three-way polygmous relationship with Lenin. 

Lenin was slightly OCD, throwing a hissy fit every time a pencil in his office wasn’t sharpened correctly or he couldn’t work in complete silence.

This seemed to translate to his fashion choices & muted color palette (very Soviet), as his beard and (what is left of) his hair is meticulously groomed, his jacket fully buttoned and hat placed squarely on his head.

As they say: a lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets. 

Hot or not?

Josef Stalin

Lenin’s successor, Stalin, was hit hard with the smallpox during childhood, leaving him with scars, a slightly deformed arm, and some damaged self esteem.

His mother wanted him to be a priest but he had other ideas, dropping out and joining the Messame Dassy (an underground revolutionary group) fighting for Georgian Independence.

Also married twice, it appears that Stalin outgrew his childhood insecurities and slayed with the ladies, although his first son died in German prison in WWII. He funded his movement initially through extortion, robbery, and kidnapping; merely a preamble to his murderous thirst for power – as he eventually became known as one of the most vicious dictators in history – killing almost 20 million people throughout his reign. 

His mustache also became the dictatorial standard, inspiring Sadam Hussein and Hitler (among others).

Like Hitler (who was nominated only once), Stalin was nominated for two Nobel Peace Prizes. He proclaimed his cinephilia and talent for writing poetry, however he stood at 5’4”, and his general paranoia and inclination to kill people would indicate some insecurity issues.

Verdict: not super hot, however he makes up for some of it with his fire color palette and taste in pants. 

Hot or not?

Recolored photographs courtesy of Klimbim