Welcome to the first ever instalment of your monthly Tarot Forecast. The system is pretty simple, but ever so unique; I will draw one card from the Thoth deck, which is steeped in sexy innuendo and imagery, and pair it with an indicator from the Ancient Greek Pantheon. 

Those Greeks were pretty mischievous and a whole lotta lusty, so be prepared for some interesting advice on how to (mis)behave and what (not) to wear.

This month’s reading shows The Prince of Cups paired with the Goddess Demeter. The Suit of Cups is what everyone hopes for in their readings because it almost always denotes romance. Its element is water and it encompasses the astrological signs of Cancer (Marry me, or else), Scorpio (Fuck me, or else) and Pisces (Whatever… just make sure that there’s tons of alcohol, or else). 

The Prince shows a very hot young man cutting through the water, rushing shamelessly toward you. In his raised hand, he holds a chalice containing a coiled snake, and in his lowered hand, he holds a crab. The coiled snake symbolizes the Kundalini, that bright red chakra at the base of your spine from which all sexual energy springs. If it sits coiled, you’re not reaching your full potential. You need to work that Kundalini so the snake uncoils, goes up your spine, and pops out the top of your head like the best orgasm you’ve ever had, and if you really look at this cutie, that is exactly what he is promising you. 

Now, if you are not in the market for a booty call boy, and would rather slip into domestic bliss and monogamy with all the security that entails… just wait a minute. It may seem that his attraction to you is purely physical, and it may start out with the two a.m. phone calls, public bathroom, and private alleyway sex, but as he unwraps you, he starts to see the whole package, which is where the crab comes in. 

The crab symbolizes Cancer, which is all about love and marriage, home and family. Don’t worry, though. The lust doesn’t wane, but grows deeper and he starts to think “commitment.” Here you get the best of both worlds so long as you can be both vixen and virgin. 

The Goddess Demeter joins the Prince in this reading and she is the fertility goddess. Don’t panic. We’re not talking about popping out babies every time someone winks at you. This is a forever young and juicy kind of fertility and the torch she bears shines light upon the deepest of secrets. 

With Demeter on your side, your frigid Winter turns to lush Spring, and the secrets and mysteries you hold are awakened to amaze both you and your partner. This is the ultimate pairing if you are after a hot affair that actually leads to something substantial. 

So, meditate on these cards this month and watch for that hottie you might normally have told to get lost, because you want something more. Give him a chance. Have some bubble bath and rich red wine at the ready for that 2 a.m. booty call, and be patient, because if you want, he’ll eventually have you strutting down the aisle in black leatherette.